What Is Empathy?

Empathy involves being able to relate to the experience or feelings of another. It’s the bridge that is needed to cross over to compassion in which those insightful emotions then translate into beneficial action. Empathy is a necessary component in helping us to bond with others and is important for healthy relationships. Let’s take a look at some ways empathy can improve your life and how you can cultivate empathy into daily practice.

Why Empathy Matters

Making empathy a proactive practice can lead to a number of life-enhancing benefits for you on a personal level. Empathy is at the heart of the “Golden Rule.” You need to be able to have an understanding of what others are feeling and to be able to actually imagine yourself in their situation in order to be able to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

By cultivating empathy, it’s more likely you will treat those around you thoughtfully and be able to consider their needs. Empathy can also lead you to a clearer understanding of yourself and the way in which you come across to the outside world. Self-understanding is incredibly useful in navigating relationships. Being empathetic also facilitates improved management of interpersonal conflicts. It’s easier to compromise and come to a resolution between people when you have a potential understanding of another’s point of view.

As a parent, this can be particularly challenging when one of my kids is trying to explain why they just made a really bad choice and I have no energy left to try to figure it out. I’ve found that when I can take a moment to try to understand why their childhood mind thought hitting someone with a stick was a good idea, it can make all the difference.

The same is true in my marriage. It’s easy for me to have prepackaged opinions about all kinds of situations but when I take a moment to deeply listen to my spouse, I find we’re able to connect and understand each other in ways that help us move forward. If my hearing was as sensitive as this dog’s, I’d be in much better shape.

Empathy makes you a great candidate in the workforce, as well. It gives you the ability to better respond to the needs of customers and helps to create positive relations with your colleagues. Empathy is definitely a quality needed in strong leaders. Having insight into the perspective of your team members can help you to be more persuasive and motivating, causing co-workers to feel you understand them, which leads to increased dedication on their part. Possessing the ability to infer what others are going through even helps you to deal with negative people, as you can remind yourself of the possible emotions behind their behavior.

Ways to Cultivate Empathy

The above points may resonate with you because you feel secure that you’re a fairly empathic person. It’s likely that we can all stand to be a bit more proactive in employing empathy in our daily lives. If you feel you could use a boost in this area, there are ways you intentionally work to develop a stronger capacity toward empathy. One of the most effective ways to understand others better is to improve your listening skills. Most of us are familiar with the concept of active listening and actually paying attention to the person who is speaking instead of working to formulate your own response. This can be a difficult concept to employ, but taking steps to be mindful and remain in the moment when another is talking to you can go far toward understanding where they are coming from. Ask questions to gain more information if you feel you don’t quite grasp their intent.

When my wife and I are talking to our kids but they’re obviously distracted, we ask them, “Do you have your listening ears on?” and that helps them to take a moment to center themselves and listen. When my wife and I talk to each other, it’s important for us to make sure we’re ready to listen, especially after we’ve each had a challenging day.

Asking questions regarding the motivation of others you encounter can greatly improve your capacity for empathy. Rather than simply responding with annoying or other negative emotion when experiencing an interpersonal conflict, take time to reflect on what may be causing them to act in such a way or what is the motivation that lies behind their beliefs. Differences of opinion and in approach are unavoidable throughout our lives. Bridging the gap between these contrasts requires asking yourself tough questions like what may be the emotion causing these actions, what the person’s intent may be, how their internal or external beliefs may contribute to their view.

Taking these steps can help you to realize that the other person isn’t necessarily bad, stupid or wrong. Improved understanding lessens frustration, stress and animosity. This is especially helpful in marriage.

Some Downsides of Empathy

Being an empathetic person is primarily a good thing, but there are some limitations to consider. An overabundance of empathy can cause us emotional distress, and focusing on these feelings often leads to inaction. You’re not doing any good for a situation by ruminating on its immensity.

Sometimes we can be prone to focusing our empathy on people we know or individuals we personally encounter, but we find ourselves unable to extend that understanding to the greater population. This is problematic because it can cause us to become uncaring about the plight of the “other” or unknown. Finally, empathy can be used in negative ways by those with ill intent. Sociopaths are known to prey upon the emotions and vulnerabilities of their victims by demonstrating a pretense of empathy.

Now that you have a more thorough understanding of how this quality can benefit your life and the ways to increase your ability to empathize, you can begin to look for ways to incorporate it into your day to day activities. You’ll soon see a more positive outlook on life and on your interactions with those around you.

I created a game called You’re Pulling My Leg! that helps you ask questions and get to know others on a deeper level. It’s a fun way for me to connect with others. I hope you’ll check it out.

Please let me know what this process is like for you and the challenges you meet.

Check out my previous post about Compassion and Empathy and also leave a comment below.